i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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