what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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