i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
