god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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