Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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