I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
