what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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