Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
