Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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