HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She swung at the pinata with crutches
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
