never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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