Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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