Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
