corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
