3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
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I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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