Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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