I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize