ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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