I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
