its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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