i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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