Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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