listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
