i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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