and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You are a genius and a whore.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
