my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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