At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
