I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
tell me about the fingering
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