Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
God, I missed his penis.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
