the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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