We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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