Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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