A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm going to jail i love you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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