I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize