if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
