im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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