I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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