I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
