He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
