I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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