I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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