just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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