I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize