took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
