After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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