You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Drake has all the answers
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
