At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
