I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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