So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.