Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
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He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.