dude i'm inner monologue high
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"