upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
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can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.