Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??