Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.

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  (630): I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof. http://tfl.nu/he9o
  Replies (4) Good night (1044) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.

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  (601): Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away. http://tfl.nu/uxou
  Replies (60) Good night (3324) Bad night (504)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.

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  (717): so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity. http://tfl.nu/nf2x
  Replies (20) Good night (5295) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.

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  (614): you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink. http://tfl.nu/tx6g
  Replies (24) Good night (9216) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  You said your dick dragged you up the stairs

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  (207): You said your dick dragged you up the stairs http://tfl.nu/g6yn
  Replies (3) Good night (3169) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.

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  (703): You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's. http://tfl.nu/9isl
  Replies (16) Good night (1040) Bad night (3301) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.

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  (360): He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish. http://tfl.nu/ae8m
  Replies (11) Good night (3021) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.

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  (920): just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch. http://tfl.nu/t841
  Replies (5) Good night (5420) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”

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  (413): afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.” http://tfl.nu/qxku
  Replies (9) Good night (1044) Bad night (1385) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..

  (630): View more from Illinois

  how did he take it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  not as well as i would have thought

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  (847): told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex.. (630): how did he take it? (847): not as well as i would have thought http://tfl.nu/nj94
  Replies (6) Good night (1361) Bad night (596)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer

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  (775): Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer http://tfl.nu/5k0a
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  Sounds like a good New Years

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  (204): I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this. (1-204): Sounds like a good New Years http://tfl.nu/ss2q
  Replies (4) Good night (1088) Bad night (398)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means

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  (610): Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means http://tfl.nu/2dw5
  Replies (4) Good night (707) Bad night (264) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness

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  (617): I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness http://tfl.nu/3h8d
  Replies (2) Good night (641) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat

  (1-408): View more from California

  your picture is with misty too!!

  (408): View more from California

  I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE

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  (408): its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat (1-408): your picture is with misty too!! (408): I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE http://tfl.nu/688p
  Replies (1) Good night (561) Bad night (161)

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