shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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