i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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