You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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