WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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