did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
