I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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