just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
