I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
