when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
did i just pee glitter
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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