hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.