you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
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WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.