We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
