I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Randomize
