woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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