I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
